Ok, so maybe I'm obsessed... After finding out that Clay's mother had read, and saved, and put on display my very personal, private letter, I can' t get it out of my mind. (To find out more about who Clay is, read my post on April 20, 21, May 2, 3, and the 9th.. it's manly about the letter). Anyway. I went to talk to a lady who I trust very much. She has helped me through a lot. I guess she, along with my pastor's wife, has been my spiritual mother. She nurtured me... still does when I need it. I needed it. I went to talk to her about Clay, his death, the letter, my dream... she really helped me. After talking with her, I feel as though I need to talk to Clay's mom, even though I've never talked to her before. You'd think after seeing someone for six years you'd meet their mother! Anyway. My heart goes out to her, especially since mother day's was Sunday. Oh the firsts she's gonna have this year! Well, I couldn't find her number. The one person I knew that had it, lost it. She's not in the phone book. Clay's dad wouldn't answer the phone... I couldn't find her. So the lady I talked with told me to put a card on Clay's grave, telling his mother that I'd like to talk to her, if she would. So I did that... Tuesday. See, she must have found comfort in the letter, the one I hadn't planned on anyone finding, for her to have kept it. So, maybe she'll find comfort in knowing that I am praying for her. I'd also like to share some things with her, and also I'd like to hear about Clay's life since we stopped talking. So yeah, I want to minister to her, but I also need closure. I can't stop thinking about it! It is driving me crazy. Every time I get in the car, I want to go to the graveyard. Am I obsessed? Maybe. OK, so I went back to the graveyard today to see if she had gotten the card. I had put in in a zip-lock bag and put a gift on top of it and placed in all on top of the tombstone, so I was sure she'd see it. It was gone. So, she could call at anytime now. Or not... I don't know which is best. I want to meet her and talk with her. I want to pray with her and read Scripture to her. I want to  be able to encourage her. See, the more I thought of it, the more I thought (and others agreed) that maybe it is her that my dream was about (see posts on May 2and 3). I have the strongest urge to witness to her. I heart goes out to her. God has truly burdened me. But then I am also scared to death that she will call. What if I can't think of anything to say?  What if all I can do is cry? What if I can't recall all the Scriptures that I want to tell her? What if I can't pray? I want her to call, but I don't. Oh, pray God gives me the words to say when she does. Pray He uses me and that there's a purpose to all this. See, there are no accidents. God works all things for good for those who love Him. I need to see the good in this, and if it is that Clay's mom comes to the Lord, Clay didn't die in vain. God is in control. But, right now, I need to see the good. Am I obsessed? I ask again.