Wow... I haven't written on here in a long time!

Anyway... A lot has happened... too much to try catch you up on (for those of you who are interested, anyway).

Christmas is coming up soon. I can't believe it... I haven't bought the first present. Surprise, Surprise. I am a procrastinator when it comes to that. I wish I wasn't. Anyway. Our Christmas play at church is this Sunday. It's going to be good, I pray. We worked hard to get our play ready, and two weeks ago had people drop out. We had to completely change the play. So it is a little scarey. I know that it could be better, but there's no time. I guess I have to give up perfection on this. That's hard.

My middle child, Chloe, has staph infection. I took her to the doctor on Tuesday. It's everywhere. Now it seems as though Lexy (my oldest) is getting it too. This has been a long week. Too long. I'm ready for the weekend.. so I can go to work and get a break.

You know what would be nice? To have a babysitter so that Kevin and I could go eat or something. I need a break after the week I've had. But, babysitters are hard to come by these days. It's a rare thing. Oh well... I guess I'll just have to "man-up" and power through.

WOW... so it's been forever since I last wrote. So much has happened. My job is going great. I love it. My youngest child just turned two and my middle is turning four next week. She is starting head start. My oldest starts kindergarten this year. WOW. I feel so old. They grow so fast. They are both so excited. Church is great. I can see so much spiritual growth in the youth. We are growing numerically too. In a year, we've doubled in number, even though we've lost some. I believe they are coming back though. Clay's mother finally called me. I met with her a couple weeks ago. I heard what I needed to hear to get closure on most of it. I believe that he's in heaven now. That makes it better for me. My burden for his mother is so much stronger. Not only did she lose her only child, but she lost her father and mother and home--all in three months. I don't see how she can even walk around in the morning. She is so strong. I was glad to hear that she has turned to the Lord in this. That has been one good thing to come from this. We looked at pictures. Clay had a son born about a month ago. That is something good. To know that he lives on in a small way. I want to meet him. He lives in another state though.
Well, that's all I have time for today. I have to work today.

So, another weekend has come and gone. Saturday was my first full day on my new job, and I worked for the most part all on my own. It was great. I mean, it gets busy and stressful at times, but compared to staying at home with three kids ages 5 and under, it was nothing! Stay-at-home mothers have the most stressful jobs in the world and no paycheck! How crazy is that? Anyway. After work on Saturday I took my kids to my friend's house. Actually it was her parents' house, they were housesitting. Anyway. My friend and her husband had invited me and my family to cook out and swim in the pool. Another of my friends I went to school with came with her husband and kid, too. It was so much fun to be around my girlfriends from school. One of them is a Christian, and we talk a good bit. She's my best friend. I love her a lot. The other isn't a Christian, but is beginning to visit churches. She does my hair. We grew up beside eachother and I love her dearly. But I love getting with my friends. So often I am defined as mother, wife and youth pastor, that it's hard to be ME. With them, I can be Me. Both of them have one child, both girls. So all five girls are in the same age area. They played well together. It was so fun. We sat by the pool and watched them play as we talked and joked and their husbands grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. Sunday was church, and father's day. I did talk with my dad Sunday morning, but he didn't come over like he said he would. That's no big surprise. After church I did go to my grandpa's house to celebrate father's day. To me, my grandpa is the greatest man walking this planet... he's right after Jesus..lol. Seriously. There's never been a greater man in my life. I love him. And I don't know what I'd do without him. I'd fall apart I think. And the sad thing is, I see him getting older and older. It's hard. But it was a great father's day. Timmy was there, when just a month ago the doctors said he'd never make it. Praise God! Well, I've rambled enough.

My God is faithful! His promises are yes and amen...they are certain... what He's promises will come to pass. So, I got a job. My mom works for a lawyer. This lawyer doesn't handle anything but relastate and bank business... you know, big lawyer. Anyway, an owner of Remax came in to her office and was talking about needing some Saturday help. So I go in for the interview the next day and they put me to training right then. How awesome is that! Ok, so I know what you are thinking. Saturday help? And she's excited about this. Well, yes. Remember I have three kids. And I make good money cleaning one house once a week. Better money than most for the hours. And my husband just got a better job. So I don't HAVE to work. But, this will be a great starting place to open doors. See, I'v been out of school for 5 years, raising kids and stuff. I graduated 3.8 GPA and all the honors, but I got pregnant too soon (still in high school when I had my first baby). So college has been put aside. I haven't really worked since then, except at the movie store, and then it was only part time. I mean, I sell Mary Kay and clean house and that's been enough. Anyone that has been a full time mother knows how hard that is, and a paying job is easier any day. Staying home with kids is emotionally draining... it takes a lot out of you. And mentally. It's hard to stay sane sometimes. So, this job will be a great place to meet some important people and move up eventually. Maybe even go somewhere else once I get the knowlege I need. But, God is faithful. I believe He will open the doors that needs to be opened and shut the ones that needs to be shut. Today is my first day... and they've just handed it to me, all alone. That's a little overwhelming, but the best way to learn is to just dive in I guess. So, my post is short and sweet today... but I just had to tell how awesome my God is.

I can't believe I haven't posted in such a long time. I am journal lazy I guess. A lot has happened since I last posted. My husband started a new job. Pay is better. My daughter graduated from Head Start. I went on a youth trip to Six Flags. It rocked. One of my old drama memebers came along. She's married now and out of church, but she came along. I miss her so! It was great to get to spend time with her. One the way to Six Flags, we had to drive right past Clay's dad's house. I thought of him. We passed the funeral home he was in. I thought of him. We passed the drive in. I thought of him. We passed a restaurant that we always ate at, and I thought of him. Yes, it is terrible. I don't know why I can't get passed this. Tuesday is when we went on our trip. So Wednesday I began to write. Yes, another letter. I don't care who reads it now. I just have to get it out. I never had time to finish it so I never took it to the grave. At church a friend told me some news. Clay was obviously in a gang of some sort and they had left black flowers on the grave. The cops had tried to run them off Sunday night and they wouldn't leave. Anyway, I had to promise not to go to the grave for a week or so. I can't get the gold car in my dream out of my head. And I still haven't heard from his mom. What to do? Well, this is all I have time for right now. Maybe I can post again later.

Last night was another great service! Brother Nick preaced on obedience. It's funny...I posted a message on our HYPE forum yesterday morning about being obedient. I said obedience was better than sacrifice and said God could do great things through us and in us if we'd just be obedient to Him. Then, we get to church last night and that is Brother Nick's message. The Lord is truly using him. I am excited about tonight, and tomorrow, and hate to see it end... oh, Lord, revive us... Keep us on fire. Don't let us burn out just because our revival meetings end. Oh, let it be so much more.

Anyway. Clay's mom still hasn't called me. I can't say I am surprised, but I am a little disappointed. I really feel as though I should speak with her. I am sure she got my card. What do I do?

My oldest graduated head start yesterday. Oh, how that makes me feel so old. She was so proud. She has a t-ball game tonight. She's proud about that too.

My uncle is doing somewhat better. Praise God. I know it is the Lord that has brought him this far. Oh, how I love to see the Lord's hand at work.

Want more of Him? Go to our devotion page...

Revival started at our church yesterday. When I say revival, I mean so much more than just a series of meetings...revival truly started in the hearts of many of Evangel's people yesterday. People returned to their first love... I seen it with my own eyes. It was amazing. A missionary evangelist named Nick McSpadden brought us the Word... and it was truly the Word for the people. I love the way Brother Nick preaches the Word. He's not concerned so much with whether or not you "like" him. He wants you to hear the Truth--not the Truth the way you WANT to hear it, but the Truth the way you NEED to hear it. He is to the point and straight forward. He is truly a man of God. Sunday morning he preached on forgiveness. I encourage you to read Matthew 18:21-35. We are forgiven when we repent of our sins and accept Jesus as Lord. Our sins are cast as far away from us as the east is from the west. Just as the servant whose debt was forgiven by the king. But then that servant went out and wouldn't forgive someone else's debt. So the king had the servant thrown in prison until he could pay his debt in full. Then notice what is says in verse 35, from the New Living Translation, "That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters in your heart." So, we are forgiven, but if we can't forgive our fellow brothers and sisters, the Lord your God will put us in prison until we can pay our debt in full. Who knows we can't pay that debt... only Jesus could pay it, right? Read Luke 6:37. Only when we forgive others can we be forgiven. We can't get into heaven with unforgiveness and bitterness and haterd in our hearts. I encourage you now to leave your unforgiveness at the alter. This is an issue not preached on very much any more. Let the Lord Jesus set you free. And who the Son sets free is free indeed! Shake Loose. Don't let the devil have a hold in your life. If the Lord can forgive you of all you've done against Him... you deserve hell... why can't you forgive those that have done you wrong, when there's no comparison. No one could ever do you as much wrong as you've done the Lord. And He forgave you. Forgive. God's people need to be set free...

It has been so long, it seems, since my last post. Things have been so crazy here. On Friday the 13th, my uncle was admitted into the ICU unit of the local hospital. My Uncle Timmy is my mom's only brother, and has lived with her most of his adult life. Let me tell you a little about my uncle's amazing life. As a young boy in high school, Timmy was very popular. He played linebacker on the high school football team and had lots of friends. But in the blink of an eye, all of it changed. In 1982 (making Timmy about 19 or 20) he was in a horrible car accident. He and some friends were riding around when the driver lost control of the car and hit a rock wall. Timmy was thrown out of the car and landed face-down on the ground. He was unrecognizable. Somehow, no one else was seriously injured. The wreck scarred Timmy all over. It tore nerves in his right leg, crushed his pelvic bone, ruptured his spleen and damaged his optic nerve. His head was split open and his teeth were knocked out. He was pronounced dead once on the scene and twice at the hospital. But Timmy kept fighting. Exploratory surgery had to be performed, removing his spleen. Doctors told the family Timmy would probably not make it, and if he did, he would never walk again. Family was told he would be a vegetable. But God had other plans for Timmy. Timmy eventually learned to walk again, although he had a limp. Left legally blind from the accident, Timmy attended the School for the Blind in Talladega. After coming back home, Timmy started having terrible headaches every day. In 1988, his head began hurting so badly he left work (he worked with his father doing the family business, vinyl siding). He told my grandpa he'd be back the next day. Well, the next day, Timmy didn't show up for work, so my grandpa decided he'd finish without him. But some equipment he needed to finish the job broke down and he had to stop working. So, he decided he'd go check on Timmy. He found Timmy at home, on the floor, unconscious. My grandpa called the ambulance. At the hospital, Timmy was pronounced dead once again, and once again God had other plans. He was flown to the Huntsville Hospital and they found that Timmy had a whole in the liner of his brain and fluid was leaking from his spine. It was a problem from the wreck he had in 1982. Surgery had to be done on his skull in order to get to his brain liner. The brain liner was so thin that they had to glue the hole together instead of stitching it. Timmy survived, Praise God. The equipment failure was a divine intervention from God, so that my grandpa would go check on Timmy. When my grandpa went to repair the equipment, nothing was wrong with it. It worked like brand new. In 1996 Timmy had another wreck, in which everyone said he was dead. His head was split open and witness said his brain was hanging out of his head. He was lying in the middle of the highway in a puddle of blood. He was flown to Erlanger Hospital in Chattanooga for emergency surgery. No one expected him to live. God had other plans. In 1997, Timmy returned home (to my mother's house) from the Birmingham hospital, where he had to have his leg amputated. In 1986 Timmy had broken his ankle. He had surgery in the Huntsville Hospital to put steel plates in his ankle. Without his spleen to help him fight infection, his ankle became infected. He was put back in the hospital, removing the steel plates. Over the years the infection worsened and finally his leg had to be removed. In 10 years he was in the hospital 12 times trying to heal his leg. Three weeks after the surgery a home health nurse came in to care for Timmy and discovered the infection had again set in. He went back to the hospital, and within a week, had three more surgeries on his leg. Through all of this, Timmy started drinking... heavily. He is an alcoholic. He has Cirrhosis of liver. Drinking led to drugs, especially a dependacy on crystal meth. Last year, Timmy was admitted into the hospital because he was found in the floor because of drugs and alcohol. The doctors, again, didn't expect him to live. He was bleeding on the inside and his liver wasn't working. He was going through withdrawals from the alcohol and drugs. The doctors couldn't do anything about the life threatening bleeding going on inside him because they couldn't get him stable from the withdrawals. We just had to wait until he came off the drugs and alcohol before we could even think of doing anything about the bleeding and liver. After finally doing all they could, Timmy didn't know who most people were and had no idea where he was. The doctors said his mind would never be right again and that we should put him in a home. My family, especially my mother, refused to accept this. Once again she began  making arrangements to move Timmy into her home and care for him. While in the hospital, we called on our church family to pray. More concerned about his soul than his life, we needed help. Sister Cathy came to the hospital. Timmy loves Cathy and Cathy has a true burden for him. She talked with Timmy and prayed with him, and Timmy gave his heart to the Lord. He began getting better. Timmy's mind was better... and a few weeks after going home, he was normal and began going to church. He was faithful. He was growing. Timmy bought him a trailer and moved it next to my grandparents home. He's been doing good. Now, the devil is a liar. He began tempting Timmy, and like  all of us do sometimes, Timmy gave in. A couple months ago, Timmy drank some alcohol. How much? He says just a couple. Friday, Timmy was admitted back into the hospital. He'd been vomiting blood again. The devil wants his life. Timmy has an awesome testimony of God's grace and mercy and unconditional love and healing. The devil doesn't want it out. So, once again, the devil tried to kill him. He was admitted into the ICU. The doctors said this is the worst he was ever been. His heart rate was 190! His ammonia level was 120 (it's suppose to be under 20). He didn't know what was going on again. The doctors said he wouldn't make it. So, I called on our church family to pray. I posted it on the internet for all to see and be able to pray. I believe in prayer. It was prayer that saved his life many times before. I had faith it would save him this time. Saturday he was better. Sunday I went to church and they anointed my head with oil as I stood in for Timmy and my family who didn't know the Lord. We wanted it to be obvious it was God doing the work... let God show off. I love it when He does. He did. I went from church to the hospital. There my mom told me that about 30 minutes before I got there, Timmy came to and was answering questions. Praise God. At the time we were praying, Timmy woke up and is trying to respond. God has plans for Timmy, plans for him to live and not die! God is so good. Yes, Timmy messed up, but we all do. God loves Timmy unconditionally. We all have a weakness. Sure, ours may not be as obvious as Timmy's weakness to alcohol. Ours may be anger or jealousy or pride or judgmental attitudes. But in God's eyes, Timmy's weakness and yours is the same. Timmy is still in the ICU, still needing your prayers. But the doctors are standing in amazement. They don't see how he's come this far. I see. I know. Praise God for his grace and mercy and healing and agape love. He is so faithful. He is so true.

  Ok, so maybe I'm obsessed... After finding out that Clay's mother had read, and saved, and put on display my very personal, private letter, I can' t get it out of my mind. (To find out more about who Clay is, read my post on April 20, 21, May 2, 3, and the 9th.. it's manly about the letter). Anyway. I went to talk to a lady who I trust very much. She has helped me through a lot. I guess she, along with my pastor's wife, has been my spiritual mother. She nurtured me... still does when I need it. I needed it. I went to talk to her about Clay, his death, the letter, my dream... she really helped me. After talking with her, I feel as though I need to talk to Clay's mom, even though I've never talked to her before. You'd think after seeing someone for six years you'd meet their mother! Anyway. My heart goes out to her, especially since mother day's was Sunday. Oh the firsts she's gonna have this year! Well, I couldn't find her number. The one person I knew that had it, lost it. She's not in the phone book. Clay's dad wouldn't answer the phone... I couldn't find her. So the lady I talked with told me to put a card on Clay's grave, telling his mother that I'd like to talk to her, if she would. So I did that... Tuesday. See, she must have found comfort in the letter, the one I hadn't planned on anyone finding, for her to have kept it. So, maybe she'll find comfort in knowing that I am praying for her. I'd also like to share some things with her, and also I'd like to hear about Clay's life since we stopped talking. So yeah, I want to minister to her, but I also need closure. I can't stop thinking about it! It is driving me crazy. Every time I get in the car, I want to go to the graveyard. Am I obsessed? Maybe. OK, so I went back to the graveyard today to see if she had gotten the card. I had put in in a zip-lock bag and put a gift on top of it and placed in all on top of the tombstone, so I was sure she'd see it. It was gone. So, she could call at anytime now. Or not... I don't know which is best. I want to meet her and talk with her. I want to pray with her and read Scripture to her. I want to  be able to encourage her. See, the more I thought of it, the more I thought (and others agreed) that maybe it is her that my dream was about (see posts on May 2and 3). I have the strongest urge to witness to her. I heart goes out to her. God has truly burdened me. But then I am also scared to death that she will call. What if I can't think of anything to say?  What if all I can do is cry? What if I can't recall all the Scriptures that I want to tell her? What if I can't pray? I want her to call, but I don't. Oh, pray God gives me the words to say when she does. Pray He uses me and that there's a purpose to all this. See, there are no accidents. God works all things for good for those who love Him. I need to see the good in this, and if it is that Clay's mom comes to the Lord, Clay didn't die in vain. God is in control. But, right now, I need to see the good. Am I obsessed? I ask again.

  

Ok, so I know it's past Mother's Day... but so much went on this weekend, I didn't post anything about my mom. So, here is my tribute to my mother:

My mom married my dad after finding out they were pregnant. She was 14. For the longest time, I thought that I was an accident, an unplanned pregnancy, the reason my mom married my dad so young. As teen, my mom finally told me the truth. She and my dad purposely got pregnant so they could get married. OHHH, the stupidity of first loves! Anyway, Mom and Dad didn't have the best marriage. My dad seen other women, which eventually made my mom look elsewhere. My mom worked at a chicken plant, my dad didn't. He didn't even watch me! Mom had to get a babysitter for me, even though my didn't work. How crazy is that? Anyway, about 4 years after my birth, my sister was born. Shortly after that, mom and dad got divorced. Feeling we needed a father, my mom married the next guy who came along... and she was even crazier this time. She married an abusive man this time, but she loved him. So, feeling he was hitting her because of something she had done, she ended up saying SHE was sorry! This went on for years. I was in school at this time, but my little sister wasn't. She seen a lot more than I did. In fact, it caused her to have a nervous disorder and she had to go see a shrink. Finally my mom opened her eyes and left him. Praise God. Women, if you are being abused, it is not your fault, and it will happen again, and your children see a lot more than you think and it does affect them...get out now, no matter how much you love him! Anyway... mom feels we still need a father.. so she marries again! This time, the marriage causes us to move out of state, away from the only school I'd ever known. But, we got two step-brothers. That was good. One was my age, the other my sister's age. And, my new step-grandpa was a Baptist pastor. So I got to go to church. I got saved in the third grade... it was awesome. I felt like a family with them. But, that marriage did't last either and we were moving back to Alabama... where I start back to my old school after 3 years. But all ended up ok. Mom never had support from my dad. Never did he pay child support or anything. She never had a good husband to help work and support the family. She did it all. And, although she thought these stand-in fathers were what we needed, we didn't. But she did what she thought was best for us. And she did her best to tell us right from wrong... I love my mother for being brave enough to stand up for herself and for us. I love her for providing for us. We were poor, but I never knew it. We always had what we needed and most of what we wanted. Now, mom has gotten her GED and she works for a lawyer's office. She is a great mom... she supports me and encourages me. She is a great grandma... my kids love her dearly. I thank God of placing me in the family I have. Sure, we have had our problems, but we see eachother through the hard times. Thank you, God, for my mother.